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Monday, July 16, 2012

Home.....where is that?!!?!

        I am at my parents house this week. Being here has made me think a lot. Maybe because i have had 24 hours a day to do what ever i want. no plans, no people, just me. i have been thinking about jobs, what i want to do next, what i want to do after that. i have been thinking about God and what he wants, i have thought about JR and Jared back in Oz, about grandma and grandpa and how they figured out their lives, i have thought about all the people all over the world that i miss and how unfair that is. i have thought of adventure and what that means, and i have thought of home and where on earth that could be.
      linked in to all those things above is the thought of home. Here in west chester a place i have call home through college and even last year after moving all over the states, I dont exactly feel at home.  i mean i love it here and i am comfortalbe like at "home" , but what is home? Home is where the heart is, riggggghttttt. no, in that case my home is in little peaces all over the country and world. i am a homebody so why have i found myself all over the place these days moving so much, have i changed from the little girl who didn't even go out with friends on weekends, who just wanted to be here? i have changed a lot over the years but i still love being home. but WHERE is it?  is that what i am looking for, is that why i am constantly on the move? West Chester will always be a home to me but it isn't Home. does that make sense... there is a different emphasis on those "home"s. my parents, my dog, my year books are here my memories and 2 or 3 friends are still here, but its not home. Its been 6 years now that i have been visiting home.... but home is not a place where you visit. This is my childhood home. But am i really a grown up? ha ha Noooooooooooo.
    Maybe home is like leisure, its a state of mind. No, it has to be more concrete than that. Home is where my bed is. Yes, right now that is in Eildon with my down comforters and big pillows, with my photos on the walls and my shoes in the wardrobe. Yes, 21st is my home, 2 weeks and i will be back.  But when people ask why i wont stay more that a year in Australia i say its to far from home... in that case home is the people i miss its Anne and the girls, its Sher, Grete and Maria, its Sarah and Frang, its Nate and Nate, and SO many more. so home is not just a place or where the heart is. its more.
    then i think of the Switchfoot song (which brings me back) "I Don't Belong Here". About how we are only on earth for a while, and heaven is our home. what i am searching for in "home" is really God!  i am not just going to find in a place, or a person, or a national park, or a memory. i am going to find it in myself and in ALL those things. i am just looking the wrong way.  My home is in Christ, i need to look through him and i AM home, everywhere.

    I was at my grandparents a few weeks ago and my grandpa asked what i wanted to do with my life, i think he was hoping, just like my dad is, to hear a grand plan of "where i see myself in ten years..." i just said, "I really don't know."  Not knowing what was going to come next i was surprised when he chuckled (cause thats what grandpas do, they chuckle not laugh, i think the ability comes with age and wisdom) and said,  "yeah me either" I don't know if he meant that, or if he was just being funny but it made me realize, i want to be like that, i want to never grow up, always wonder what i can do next. even if it means job searching every year or living in 25 of the 50 nifty United States.  So when i am 86 or whatever, i want to chuckle and wonder what adventure i should do next, even if its just wheeling myself down the drive way to get the mail with out letting any cars see me just for the thrill and challenge (Maria and i would do that) I'll be happy. Because life is an adventure and I'll always be at home.  so why worry.